A few years ago, we moved from a house on a city block, to a house in a cul-de-sac that borders a woods. The difference in wildlife is amazing: for example, my kids counted something like 46 species of birds that have landed in our yard. That includes the flock of wild turkeys that sometimes walk through the neighbor’s yard. They must know about the firearms ban in the city.
Unfortunately, some of the mammals are acting like they own the place.
At supper time, we often see a herd of deer moving through our neighbor’s yard. One night, the deer were on the neighbor’s driveway, as he drove his SUV into his garage. You would think they would be spooked and run away, but instead they walked off at the speed of a teenage jaywalker who wears his pants hanging halfway down.
I have also seen deer tracks in my FRONT yard, less than 10 feet from my mailbox. Don’t they understand what it means to be a “wild” animal?
I am used to seeing raccoons and the occasional skunk at night, but this morning, I saw the fattest raccoon in the world walking tward my garbage can in broad daylight. I snuck out on my deck, hoping to catch him in the act of eating my garbage. I threw something at my tipped-over garbage can, thinking that if he was inside, the noise would scare him off and keep him away for a day or two, until temptation was too strong again.
But no, he ambled off at about the speed of a PENNDOT worker in July. He was probably going to visit his lawyer, to sue me for disturbing his digestion.
If these creatures get any less afraid of humans, they’ll come into my house, log on to my computer, and start reading my blog.
Since nothing else seems to work, here is a message for all of you large non-human warm-blooded creatures who trespass on my property:
For the deer: We can eat you! And the economy is bad enough that you are looking tastier all the time!
For the raccoons: If you eat my garbage and I decide you are too gross to eat, my son can play Davy Crockett with your hide!
For the turkeys: We can stuff you, eat you, and use your tailfeathers as writing implements!