I’ve Gotta Trust Him Now

Josh [who, BTW, is the kid in the upper right picture of my blog.  He’s grown since then]:  Dad, can we work on the parallel parking?  I really want to take my driver’s test.

Me:  Sure, son.  Why the sudden ambition?

J:  Well, now that I’m 18, I’ll be able to drive to Wal-Mart and get cigarettes whenever I want them.  Oh, and I can go to the tattoo parlor too.

Dad:  Yeah, sure, I really believe that.  And don’t even try the line about getting your ear pierced.

J:  Well, actually, there is a girl…

Me:  There usually is.  Nice of you to tell me early on.

J:  It’s later than you think.  You just haven’t been asking the right questions.  Anyhow, I would like to be able to take her out.  To the airport.

Me:  Oh, for a balloon ride?  How romantic.  I would take Mama, if she weren’t afraid of heights.

J:  Well, actually, we were going to catch a flight.  To Vegas.  Now that I’m 18, we can do that.

Me:  Hmmm, good point.  If she’s a math whiz like you, you may be able to beat the blackjack tables.

J:  There’s a nice wedding chapel…

Me (choking):  Um, what about steady employment?  That’s usually important to a girl, and her parents.

J:  Well, I’ve signed up for the army.  After the honeymoon, I’m off to Basic Training.

<sheets rustling, rolling over uneasily, gasping for breath>

Jane:  Honey, what’s wrong?  Have you been having a bad dream?

Me:  Yeah, it’s about Joshua.  He’s 18 now, and I’m scared.

Jane:  Oh, don’t worry.  He won’t do anything too crazy.

Me:  Thanks for not worrying, but how can you be so sure?

Jane:  He’s your son.  If he is half as stodgy as you, you have nothing to fear.

Me:  Good point.  G’night, dear.

Jane: Good night.

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3 thoughts on “I’ve Gotta Trust Him Now

  1. don’t count on it bike bubba. kids today never leave and if they do get thrown out of the nest (like the birds do), they usually keep coming back like a bad case of herpes. thats what i do to my momma when she ain’t in rehab.

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