A few days ago, I posted “A Modest Proposal to Deal With the Debt Crisis.” It seemed like a reasonable idea at the time, and it still seems like my idea will work better than some of the other ideas being proposed. As I write this, the Senate is working on a bill that the House can agree too. Of course, the House of Representatives is a tough crowd. From the left, Representative Emanuel Cleaver called the bill a “Sugar-coated Satan sandwich.” The Tea Party’s support is uncertain, so we could soon reach another impasse. Even if the bill is passed, the rating of U.S. government bonds could go down.
However, I have a very simple solution to this problem:
LET’S JUST ASK ENGLAND TO TAKE US BACK.
I know that back in 1776 we had the Declaration of Independence. It says that we declared independence because we experienced “a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object… a design to reduce them [us] under absolute despotism” and then it went on to list the abuses.
But guess what? George III is dead, and England has come a long way since then.
And independence didn’t always work out so well. Take slavery, for example. The British got rid of it peacefully, without a civil war, in 1834, a generation before we did. But once we got the idea of leaving and starting another country, our Southern brethren had to try it again, with very messy results.
Then there’s the matter of taxation. When we left England, tax rates were an intolerable 2-3% of our income. (Less if you didn’t drink tea.) Now, having declared that “taxation without representation is tyranny”, our taxes are consuming about 18% of our GDP. Now that’s progress. What would Patrick Henry think about this rate of taxation?
When we declared independence, we said that King George “has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.” Yup, we sure solved that problem, and now we won’t even be able to buy incandescent light bulbs soon. Imagine Sam Adams, patriot and brewer, being told he had to put health warning labels on his beer. How long do you think he would put up with that?
So, we need to call Queen Elizabeth II, and tell her that it was all a big mistake, and could we please re-join the British Empire.
There would be just one condition. The British throne would have to pass from Elizabeth to Prince William, bypassing Prince Charles. Because English kings named Charles have not worked out so well, and Camilla is just too darn ugly to be Queen.
“How would this help our debt situation?” you might ask. The answer is simple. We have run up this debt during our unfortunate 225 year period of rebellion. If we took the modest step of re-joining Great Britain, we would cease to be a country.
All of our government debt would melt away, just like Confederate War Bonds.