In the Christmas season, our office is full of gifts from vendors. As expected, the Purchasing Department gets the most stuff, because, well, they buy the most stuff. And most of it is food. So if I visit that department enough, I don’t even need to buy lunch.
But sometimes even us engineers get a present. Like this bottle of local wine a vendor sent me, as a token of appreciation for buying his equipment. It is called “Duct Tape Red”. Unfortunately, this vendor is not from a place known for its wines, so our family of wine snobs did not give it the greatest reviews. But that doesn’t mean I can’t write a blurb for it. So here goes:
“Like its namesake, this red wine fixes everything, at least for a few hours, if used in large enough quantities. With hints of its namesake, cranberries, and Gatorade, it is best enjoyed in a Red Solo cup, over ice, in large quantities, after a nasty break-up, the death of one’s favorite ‘Walking Dead’ character,” or despair over the results of the last election.”
I think it will be OK if we add some juices and make sangria out of it.
Books, Toys, and Games 
Ha! Maybe a word to the wise; if you’re giving wine as a Christmas gift, avoid those whose promotional literature seems to echo Proverbs 31:6. (or which contain concord grapes, or which are made by Boone’s Farm or Mogen David…..)
This stuff? http://cordelwine.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=99
Side note; a European friend of my mom’s, when she mentioned “wine coolers” and defined them, instantly responded “oh, you’ve got a lot of bad wine in your country, don’t you?” Nicest thing the federal government ever did for the wine industry was to increase taxes so most bum wines were no longer profitable.
The wine you linked to above is not the one I had in mind. It was from Michigan, and I could not find it on a Google search, so I suspect the name has been discontinued.
While the Feds may have increased the tax on wines, the state governments seem to like to subsidize local wineries (for example PA forces the liquor stores to provide shelf space for PA wines) so there are still plenty of wine-cooler-worthy wines being made.
I grew up near where it would have been grown–Michigan’s “wine country” extends more or less from the Indiana border up through Traverse City on the Lake Michigan coast. Lots of small, independent grape growers that got started growing concord grapes for Welch’s and Mad Dog. Some decent whites, but generally too far north for good reds.