Father Francis Hears a Confession

Father Francis was manning the confessional booth one Saturday morning, when he was surprised to see a doe walking up to him. Her head and tail were down, and her big brown eyes were sad. He thought he would give the poor creature an apple that he had packed for his lunch, but he was surprised when she spoke to him, saying, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”
“Oh fairest of the forest creatures,” said Father Francis, “What could such an innocent creature as you have done?”
Thinking that this was her first confession, and that she might need help, he prompted, “Did you steal corn from Farmer Brown’s cornfield?”
Father Francis had recently heard Farmer Brown confess to anger about this, and thought this might be the reason. Also, he thought that if the doe repented of this quickly, she might be more likely to survive hunting season.
“Oh no,” said the doe. “I am always careful to eat acorns from the forest, and I only eat apples that have fallen from the trees and can’t be eaten by humans. I didn’t steal.”
“Were you the one who ran in front of Billy’s car and caused him to crash when he was taking Emily out on a date? If so, know that they are not hurt. You may be happy to know that Billy is grounded and cannot hunt this year.”
Father Francis had heard Billy confess to taking Emily parking, and had heard Emily’s father confess to wanting to throttle Billy. Emily was a Baptist so he did not hear her side of the story. He knew a lot about life in this town.
“No,” said the deer, whose name, by the way, is completely unpronounceable by humans. “That was my aunt. She gets careless sometimes, especially at this time of year. I am glad that they are well. I would not want to harm a human.”
“If it is not that, then what troubles you, my child? I am a human priest, and I do not know what sins could trouble a forest creature like you.” The priest was beginning to think that his namesake did not have such an easy job after all. He ran through the Seven Deadly Sins to try to help her.
“Was it Pride, Anger, Greed?”
Suddenly, the doe’s head slumped a little more, and her ears drooped.
“Father, I am embarrassed to tell you what I did for a few bucks.”